u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
