walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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