The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
