like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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