just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
