I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Couch. On fire.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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