I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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