I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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