good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
