in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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