i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
