i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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