She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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