i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
