mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Congratulations! We have a period
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize