I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
