I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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