ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
