Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
