i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
