Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
