She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
