Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
