i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
