i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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