69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
