you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
