you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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