He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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