Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize