im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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