i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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