But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
