Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
