Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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