I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
