Don't make out with my wife yet
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
