Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
