my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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