Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
