I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
