so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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