no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
