I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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