Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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