So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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