You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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