there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
