In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
