I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
