I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
