Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
