i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
