so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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