i think my tv is drunk
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
