I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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