Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
