saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
