I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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