We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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