That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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