Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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