sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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