You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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