I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
