Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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