I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
