Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize