Please, let me fuck your mom
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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