She's JV to your varsity
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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