her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
