And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
