names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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