even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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