I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
