I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
