So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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