Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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