There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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