just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
