I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
