Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize