i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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