i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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