Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
