What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
