Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize