You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You don't make any sense
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